Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. I loved the sentiment when Semisonic sang it, in my youth, and it feels applicable, even today.
Ten years working for one company is never a thing you should scoff at. Devoting a decade of your life to any endeaver deserves some kudos and there’s a hand shaped indention in my back that, oddly enough, matches my own. Despite having a million decent reasons to leave that place, I still stuck it out. Security masks misery well. Then something happened.
During some of my darkest emotional moments trapped inside that brick box, with its unnatural flickering flourescent light, the smallest glimmer of hope appeared. With the ding of my inbox came an opportunity for escape. My soul lept with joy but my brain put me through the ringer. Security, safety in repitition, drudgery...somehow I questioned if that wasn’t the path on which I was supposed to stay. The road most traveled screamed to me, “Keep your feet firmly planted, idiot!” My withered soul begged me to run, so I did.
The path I took was so unlike the one I’d trudged for 10 long years. The pay I took was also very different. I have an assigned seat on the struggle bus but the weight that lifted from my shoulders, and my soul, was well worth the pay gap. Not to mention, there’s an actual window in front of my desk. Vitamin D, while filtered through screen and double paned glass, is still amazing.
I’ve had some of the best moments sitting in front of that window. My friends in the office around me, my own bothersome, but pleasantly twisted, sister just a few steps away. There have been days where I’ve rolled my eyes so deeply I thought I glimpsed the past. I’ve bitten my tongue, for the sake of professionalism, and I’ve loosened that grip for the sake of my own tastelessness. All in all, I’m proud of the leap I took and the work I’ve done since I dove headfirst into the mire. I’m thankful for the relationships I’ve created and that I have managed to help my customers strengthen their business. Now it’s time to sing that line again; some other beginning’s end.
Everybody has a thing; something they have a knack for, something that gives them a twinkle in their eye and a bounce in their step. That thing for me is writing. Recognizing that I may actually be the narcissist I’ve been told I am, I’m quite good at a lot of things but writing is my thing. I love words on paper and I love it even more when those words are mine. Watching someone read my words, my sentences, gives me the deepest joy. To see another person have a physical, or emotional, reaction to a string of vowels and consonants that my twisted brain strung into an actual thought...elation! Very little, apart from the love of my husband, kitten kisses and Thai spring rolls provide me with that depth of emotion.
Now is my chance, my opportunity, to do that THING on a daily basis. While everything I write won’t be sprinkled with Amberisms, I’ll still be doing the thing that gives me joy. I’ll be doing that thing in a community that I have developed feelings for; some good feelings, some not so good, but feelings nonetheless. I hope I’m able to make my community proud. I pray I’m able to make my family proud. I must make myself proud. For now though, much like those three strange guys from the 90s sang, it’s closing time.
Amber Lollar is marketing executive for The Henderson News. Her e-mail address is <firstname.lastname@example.org>.
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